


If it comes back around, It was yours all along

by Ziamismyotp



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Eventual Fluff, Eventual Smut, Happy Ending, I Don't Even Know, Light Angst, M/M, One Shot, i guess, my first time writing smut, um
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-18
Updated: 2013-07-18
Packaged: 2017-12-20 15:18:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/888765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ziamismyotp/pseuds/Ziamismyotp
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zayn has had the displeasure of coming face to face with unrequited love before and it was hell so when he happens to run into the source of his heartbreak 3 years later in a supermarket, he has every intention of staying away but the fucking universe doesn’t seem to agree.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If it comes back around, It was yours all along

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so if any of you are reading my other fic then I'd just like to say that no, this is not the one-shot I said I've been working on. That one-shot is still in process because it's turning out to be a lot longer then I intended. 
> 
> This one just came to me last night so if it's complete shit then I'm really sorry.
> 
> Okay, that's it.

No.

No, no, no, fucking hell no. This was not happening. Yeah, it’s pretty obvious the universe loves to fuck with him but now he’s starting to believe it just fucking hates him. Really, the fucking universe already pledged him with one hell of a heart break 3 years ago and now here it is blindsiding him in the bread aisle of a supermarket with the cause of said-heart break.

He standing frozen with a death grip on his basket of only poptarts, crisps and a 6 pack of coke for him and his roommates. He knows his eyes are bugged and his lips are slightly gaped but he can’t seem to move himself, to dumbstruck for his brain to comprehend what’s happening and causing his limbs to forget how to move.

What the hell was said heart breaker doing here anyway? He’s not suppose to be here in London. No, said heart breaker moved to the states three years ago with the wicked bitch. Why is he here and why is Zayn still standing there like he’s seen a ghost. We’ll maybe that it is a ghost, or maybe all these years of trying to forget the memories, force this guy out his mind has finally cracked him and now he’s loosing his mind. Now he’s seeing things, that’s got to be it. There is no way Mr. Heartbreaker is standing in front of him in _Zayn’s_ favorite super market, scouting through brands of bread like it’s the most difficult and crucial decision of his life. Which knowing this guy, it’s probably up there on his list.

Mr. Heartbreaker starts to turn in Zayn’s direction and suddenly his brain remembers how to function properly and his legs move on there own according. It looks like his brain is in full control again because he’s making a quick turn, surprised he didn’t give himself whiplash and he’s walking as fast as he can-just bellow a jog- to the end of the aisle to turn but he wont fucking make with this lady and her 20 thousand kids crowding his only escape. His eyes search for any opening, any crevice between the large family that he can squeeze through but they’re everywhere. In the end, after realizing there is no way in hell he could make it through them he decides that maybe if he can scoot close to the shelves and bury his face close enough to the breads, he wont be recognize. But of course like he’s said, the universe hates him and thrives on his misery and he hears his name coming from his right.

“Zayn?” The voice is just as he remembers but somehow different, more mature, you can say. It’s something sweet, something he always craves and something sticky, the way it clings to his ears, to his mind and no matter how much he shakes his head or scratches his ears and prays for the voice to stop ringing in them, it never leaves. Been echoing in his thoughts, in his dreams for as long as he can remember. It’s irritating, aggravating and distracting. And now that he’s heard it again after all this time and now it plays fresh in his mind. New and improved and never fleeting. Just what he fucking needed. “Uh…Zayn?” He speaks again and Zayn has to stop himself from wincing because that voice is so painfully real and right in his ear, that person is right there and god, this is not how he thought his day would go.

“Oh… um, h-hi…” He cuts off, swallowing and reluctantly turning to face him because as much as he doesn’t want to see that stupid face he also doesn’t want to be rude. And maybe his curiosity is encouraging him to turn. “L-Liam.” He stutters, now face to face with the cause of his heart ache those years ago and fuck, 3 years did Liam good. Well, the boy was always crazy good looking but now… now he’s a fucking man. He’s no longer a slightly chubby faced 18 year old with crazy curly hair and a big nose. Fuck, no, now he’s got this fohawk going on with his hair that really does look good and his shoulders are a lot more broader, blue T-shirt hugging Liam’s broad chest and thick biceps very, very nicely. And god, those lips, just as plump as always. Zayn catches his eyes lingering and quickly looks away and at the floor like it’s the most fascinating thing since frozen pizza was invented.

Zayn feels intimidated suddenly. But really it’s not like Zayn isn't good looking too. He’s gown quite handsome during Liam’s absence. He’s sporting a tall quiff, he didn’t start till about a 2 years ago after Niall and Harry convinced him he should grow his hair out. He’s slim yeah, but he works out, boxes a few times a week actually and is now a proud owner of slightly above average sized biceps, toned abs and some nice pecks, though he’s pretty sure Liam’s muscles are a lot bigger and more defined then his. Zayn also has a lot more ink since he was 18. The last time he’d seen Liam he only had his grandfathers name tattooed under his right collarbone and a feather bellow his neck but now he’s almost littered with Ink.

Zayn’s shifting uncomfortably under Liam’s gaze but he’s remembering how Liam always had the upper hand on him those years ago. How he’d almost melt whenever Liam spoke his name, the way he worshipped the ground he walked on. How he was pathetically inlove with Liam and would do just about anything he’d ask. Even walk barefoot on needles if Liam was waiting for him on the other side. An angry spark lights inside him, fire in his eyes and he’s standing straight and looking directing into Liam’s deep brown eyes. The little man inside of him-the one that works his conscience- tells him to grab those bricks and stack them higher around his heart. Tells him not to fall into Liam’s arms like he use too. He’s changed, he’s not the same weak minded, 18 year old that would rip out his own kidney himself and give it to Liam if his ever stopped working again.

No, Zayn’s stronger then that now. Or at least he hopes he is. He’s a 21 year old student at the London University of the Arts. He takes care of himself and doesn’t fall at anyone’s feet anymore. He no longer seeks anyone’s approval like he use to. He’s not going to cry and throw himself in Liam’s arms, tell him how much he missed him and how he still thinks about him everyday. He’s not going to draw Liam crappy pictures of batman and sneak him candy during lunch like he did in primary school. He’s not going to hold Liam’s books and give him the answers to school tests like he did in 9th grade. He’s not going to sneak Liam out of class with fake passes or bend to his every will like he did for the rest of secondary school.

No, he’s in college now, he’s a big boy who got his heart broken by this prick and he’s not about to forget everything and fall in love with him all over again. Hell no, he’s not going to do that to himself. Not. Fucking. Again.

“Wow, uh, I don’t know what to say. I didn’t think I’d run into you so soon.” Zayn’s hazel eyes grow wide again before he’s narrowing his eyes, trying his best to keep the straight face he had moments ago. “What?” He finds himself asking, his voice low, barely above a whisper.

“We’ll I hadn’t prepared anything decent to say when I came here. I thought I’d have some time before I seen you again.” Zayn bites his tongue before he can say _‘Well, fucking excuse me. How about **I**  leave this time. Not like I was planning nor hoping to run into you today-or ever again’_ but instead choosing to say “Why are you here.” He knows his tone is bitter, maybe a tad to harsh because Liam winces a little but soon the smile is wide on his face again.

“The states didn’t really work out like I’d thought. Missed… home to much so I applied for Guildhall and got accepted so now here I am. Starting school in September with everyone else.” Zayn doesn’t let the smug grin show because he _knew_ America wasn’t going to work out. He’d told Liam but he didn’t listen. To wrapped around the wicked bitches finger and to stuck in her dreams to follow his own. “Well, congrats. It was nice seeing you but-”

“How are you?” Liam cuts Zayn off, obviously knowing where he was heading. Zayn holds back the groan wanting to escape his throat because he just wants to leave before his heart stops working from how rapid it’s beating and go home to wallow in some ice cream with Niall because Niall will never pass up an opportunity for food.

“Fine… No, good. I’m good.” He corrects because yeah, he is good. He’s in college, passing with flying colors, he’s got two best mates that deal with him when he’s sulking or singing obnoxiously loud in the shower. He has a great, supportive family and his teachers like him. He’s happy where he works at the coffee shop near his Uni though sometimes it’s a little hectic but Perrie or Eleanor always come to the rescue before he snaps on an innocent or bitchy customer. He’s pretty content where he is. Wouldn’t change much, really.

“You?” he asks because he feels like it’s necessary now.

“I’ve been great. I’m actually looking for a flat with one of my mates right now. Pretty excited. ” Liam tells him and Zayn doesn't say _‘I’d be excited to live with a mate too if I was trapped with the wicked bitch for three fucking years.’_ because he’s not a rude person.

“Sounds good.” He forces a small smile and they fall into a silence. It’s uncomfortable for Zayn but Liam’s still grinning at him, his eyes never wavering from Zayn. He doesn’t know what to say, what to do and he’s about he tell Liam he has to leave now but he’s finally speaking again. “You look great. I like what you’re doing with your hair.” Liam complements, eyes roaming Zayn’s body and Zayn wills the blush creeping onto his cheeks to go the hell away.

“Thanks. My mates told me to grow it out, said it’d look good.” He tells him, hands automatically touching his hair for a second. “Um, you do too… uh look great. Got rid of those curls, I see.” Zayn points outs, his own eyes examining Liam’s hair again. It looks amazingly soft and shit, he wants to reach out and touch it but he’s more then positive he can’t do that anymore.

“Yeah, Danielle convinced me to cut them off about a year ago. Said it was getting a bit boring.” Zayn almost grimaces at her name but manages to control his facial expressions. He forces a smile though it’s weak and he’d rather rip off his ears then continue talking about her. “I always liked them but I like this too.” Zayn admits, his smile growing slightly more real at the memory of running his hands through those curls on many occasions. He can almost feel the soft strands between his fingers.

“Thank you. Kind of do miss the curls though.” Liam confesses, touching his hair and smiling at Zayn. Zayn smiles back, can’t help it. Liam’s smile is infectious and the way his eyes crinkle in the corners when he’s really happy, like it is now, just tickles him in the right places but then the little man in his brain is yelling _‘The wall! Your heart! Don’t fall for this again!’_ and he’s clearing his throat, averting his eyes and deciding it’s time to leave.

“Um, It’s been… good seeing you Liam but I actually have go actually. Have to get these to me roommate Niall before he eats Harry. Hungry little bastard, he is.” Zayn lifts his arm and scratches the back of his neck nervously, he’s never been good at this. He watches as Liam’s eyes flicker to his exposed forearm, taking notice to his tattoos before he drops his arm quickly to his side. Liam’s eyes are bright and Zayn guesses maybe Liam liked what he saw on Zayn’s arm but he dismisses it before he could give it any further thought.

“Oi, okay. Yeah, don’t want that. But um, see you around?” He asks, hope evident in his voice and Zayn just nods his head before turning around and leaving, not giving Liam a chance to say anything else. He’s not going to get cocky and assume Liam wants to see him again but Liam seemed rather happy to see him. Grinning as if he forgotten everything that happened those years ago. Well, Zayn hasn’t forgotten because he got the rough end of the stick. He was the one to suffer and he has yet to forgive nor forget. He’s not about to give Liam any false hope that they will be friends again. He just can’t be friends with Liam only to fall back in love with him because Liam’s amazing and falling in love with him is inevitable but his heart can only take so much more pain so he doesn’t plan on ever seeing Liam again no matter how tempting the thought is.

He pays for his poptarts, crisp, soda and a pack of Oreos he grabbed from one of the aisles before walking to the exit, avoiding Liam’s stare from where he’s checking out his own groceries.

He’s almost to his flat when he remembers; he forgot the bread.

 

~

 

“Hey Z, did you hear!” Harry exclaims when he enters the front door. The front door is next to the kitchen and Zayn laughs when he sees Harry kick off his shoes and bounces to wear Zayn is sitting on top of the kitchen counter with his sketchpad in front of him. “Care to specify?” Zayn asks, smile fading as his hand moves quickly across the paper, shading and smudging certain parts.

“Our neighbors, Zayn.” He says as if it’s obvious. “These two guys are moving in across the hall.” Harry grins wide, still bouncing from foot to foot. This catches Zayn by surprise. He even takes a moment to stop adding lines to his work to create a more 3D piece. “Wait, when did Mr.Gordy move out?” Zayn asks because he doesn’t remember the old guy leaving.

“He died, Zayn. He was like, 93 years. But of course you wouldn’t know that. Always to wrapped up in something.” Zayn rolls his eyes and goes back to swiping his pencil across the paper and adding realistic details to the eyes and nose.

“Sorry I don’t make cookies and brownies for people in return for gossip.” Zayn retorts. He ignores it when Harry flicks his ear, instead adding more details. The assignment was to choose a person or animal and make it 3D and as realistic as you can. Pretty lame idea buy it’s only a summer assignment. He’s suppose to draw it on a bigger canvas with charcoal or paint and he’s only practicing right now. It’s mid august and he knows he should have been almost complete with the assignment but it’s easy and he knows he’ll finish it in a week at the most.

“He’s the janitor! He hears all the juicy information. Anyways, their moving in today. I’m thinking of asking if they need some help moving in. Want to join?” Harry asks, a little to enthusiastic for Zayn.

He snorts. “I’ve done all my exercise at the boxing ring this week, Haz. Ask Niall, I’m sure he’ll do it if you bribe him with Nandos.” Harry pouts but takes off towards Niall’s room nonetheless.

Zayn can’t help but wonder who’s moving in. He also can’t help but think of Liam and how he had been looking for a place with his mate but he doubts it’s Liam. People move in and out of this place all the time. A bunch of different people from a bunch of different places. It’s London for Christ sake. He’s pretty positive Liam and his mate are no where near this place.

“We’ll be back Zayn. Greg texted me, our new neighbors have arrived!” Harry shouts happily, practically skipping to the front door with Niall in tow. Niall ruffles his hair and follows Harry out the door calling “Eh! Hazza wait up!” Zayn smiles fondly at his friends, closing his sketchbook and setting it on the counter. He walks to the door, peaks in the hallway for no reason and closes the door deciding to take a shower before he lets his curiosity get to him and he’ll be following Harry and Niall’s tracks.

After grabbing his red Iron Man underwear-yeah, he likes Iron Man, so the fuck what- black skinnys and a loose white tank from his room and a towel from the hallway closet, he walks into the bathroom. He turns on the small radio they have sitting on a shelf, music filling the empty bathroom. He strips and enters the shower, lathering his body and hair and singing rather loudly to Stay by Rihanna. He doesn’t hear it when the bathroom door opens so when someone speaks he’s caught off guard.

“Zayn, I have a question.” Zayn jumps, almost slipping and falling but he grips the little shelf they have hanging in the shower-the one with the shampoos and body washes- and catches himself. He looks in the direction of the voice, sticking his head from behind the curtain.

“You almost killed me, Harry! What do you want.” He asks frowning. “Wait, aren’t you and Niall suppose to be helping the neighbors?”

“That’s what I want to ask you about. I’m inviting them over tonight. Ya know, for dinner, couple of drinks. They seem like great lads. Specially Louis.” Harry says smirking and Zayn understands that look. The predator look Harry gets when he’s seen something he’d like to corrupt. Kind of like the look he had when they met but if anything, Zayn’s the one who did the corrupting. “I just wanted to make sure you where alright with it.”

“Yeah, sure whatever. But that couldn’t wait till I was out the shower?”

“I want to get to them before our other bitchy neighbors do.” Zayn snorts at him and brings his head back into the shower, rinsing the conditioner from his raven black hair.

“Poor guys, they have no idea what they’re getting themselves into.” He says more to himself then Harry.

Harry laughs and then he hears the bathroom door click shut and he goes back to singing loudly to the Drake song blasting on the radio.

  
~

  
“Zayn! Get your skinny arse out here! New neighbors should be here any minute! Need to greet them properly!” Harry calls to him. Zayn groans, setting his water colors aside and stands up from the floor to pull on red converse over socked feet and grab a gray beanie-Harry’s beanie probably- from on top of his dresser. He sets it onto his messy hair, leaving some hair in the front to show because he doesn’t want them thinking he’s trying to impress anyone, and leaves his room with a glum expression.

He’s not really all that thrilled to meet their new neighbors, actually he’s not looking forward to it at all. Zayn’s never been good with strangers but maybe it wont be so hard with Harry and Niall here to do all the talking. And he’s not going to lie, he is interested in learning who these guys moving in across the hall are so might as well meet them. What’s the worst that can happen?

When he walks into the living room, Harry’s running around frantically, picking up dirty clothes, clearing the coffee table of mugs and beers, cleaning the counters from the Chinese food containers and yelling at Niall to scrub the dishes but Niall ignores him and continues his game of Mario kart on the Wii.

“Oi finally, someone useful. Zayn, can you pleeeaase do the dishes!” Zayn rolls his eyes, a smile playing at his lips. “God, this place is dreadful!” Harry cries, trying to scrub at a red stain in the center of the stove.

“What the bloody hell is this anyway! Sauce? Blood? Who the fuck was bleeding on the stove again?!” He barks angrily. Harry leans over and grabs a butter knife to scrap the red substance off the stove top quickly causing Zayn to chuckle but he walks around him and does as he was told, the dishes.

“Harry, they’re just normal guys. It’s not like the queen is coming over.” Zayn tells him, turning on the water and grabbing the sponge.

“I’d be less panicked if it was the queen. Jesus Z, you should have saw these two guys. Like fucking Gods, I swear. Specially Louis and his huge arse.” Harry’s says, words drooling out of his mouth.

“Are you saying they’re prettier then me?” Zayn mocks hurt, putting on a pout and looking in Harry’s direction. He always does this when Harry compliments other people, not because he’s jealous but because the first time they met-2 and a half years ago- Harry wouldn’t stop calling him beautiful and asking if his cheekbones where real, which of course they are but Harry’s yet to accept it, claiming they’re to gorgeous and pronounced to be natural. He still has a tendency to express to Zayn how beautiful he is and Zayn does it right back because yeah, Harry’s pretty gorgeous himself with those piercing green eyes and charming curls and captivating, raspy voice that at first had Zayn wanting to drop his underwear but now he’s grown quite use too.

“If they are Gods then you are the all mighty Zeus. They can’t even hold a candle to your strength and unfathomable beauty my love.” Harry sighs happily and drops a sloppy, wet kiss to Zayn’s cheek. Zayn chuckles, whipping his cheek with his shoulder.

“You flatter me, really. But you know Haz, it’ll be quite difficult to hit and run our neighbor when he lives right across from us.” Zayn points out. He’s halfway through the dishes, working quickly so his hands wont wrinkle and his fingers wont look like raisins when he shakes the hands of his new neighbors. Not that he’s trying to impress them or anything, he just doesn’t want old man hands, is all.

“I don’t know about that Zayn! Harry seemed quite smitten with Louis. I’d say he’s not planning to just hit. I think our little Hazza experienced love at first sight first hand this morning.” Niall calls from where he’s sitting on their black sectional that his father bought them. Generous guy, he is. He also bought them the flat screen. A 55 inch Samsung is on the pricey side and that couch doesn’t look cheap either. Zayn and Harry think Niall’s fathers rich since he did buy them most of the house furniture they own but Niall’s yet to confirm nor deny the theory whenever they talk to him about it.

See, If you’re wondering, Niall is Irish. Yeah, that’s an important detail. He’s got pale skin and these beautiful blue eyes and hair that’s a bit on the dirty blonde side. He wears it under a snapback or sticking up, kind of like Zayn’s own quiff that he is not currently rocking under that beanie. Niall’s muscular, doesn’t have a six pack or bulging biceps but he’s well built and skinny for a kid that eats every meal like it’s his last. He doesn’t have any tattoos like Zayn and Harry and he says he doesn’t plan on getting any but they are on a mission to lure him into a tattoo shop with a piece of meat and get him his first ink. Idea’s almost fail proof, they just have to work out some kinks before taking action.

“Bollocks! I was not Niall! If anything, I’m smitten with his arse and that’s about it. Now, shut it before they hear you.” Harry yells back. “Fucking loud Irish prick, doesn’t know how to mind his own damn business.” He mutters to himself and Zayn can tell by how defensive he’s being that there is truth to Niall’s words. Maybe not all truth but it looks like his little-well not really little. He’s got a couple inches on Zayn- Harry might actually fancy someone for once.

He finishes the dishes and puts the plates and bowls in the cabinet next to the glasses and the silverware in the draw bellow. He dries his hands with a dishrag and joins Niall on the couch. Niall offers him a steering wheel and switches to two players while Harry vacuums the rug under their feet and sweeps the hardwood of the apartment.

“Harry, I think you’re going to make someone a wonderful house wife one day.” Zayn teases because of the way Harry’s doing once over of the apartment for the third time.

“Oi, bite me!” Harry calls back and chucks a throw pillow at Zayn’s head causing his character to spin out of control.

Him and Niall are three games in when the doorbell rings and after Harry realizes that neither Zayn or Niall was going to get it-when do they ever- he stands up to answer.

“Oi! You think you’re so good because you got me with that damn blue shell don’t’cha, Malik!” Niall shouts, angrily twisting his arms to control his cart.

“I’m winning aren’t I?” He retorts, dogging a green shell that was sent his way by Yoshi. He grins manically when he notices that Niall’s all the way in last place, struggling to pass Bowser.

“Because you’re a cheat!” Niall accuses, only in 7th place now because Toad wont let him pass. Keeps dropping bananas in front of him and Niall looks as if he’s going to throw the remote at the TV any minute now.

“You just can’t handle me, Horan!” He come backs. His character, DK, is far past the rest of the racers. He’s almost at the finish line, only a quarter of the third lap to go when a huge bullet crashes into him and flies across the finish line.

“Oi! How the- wait, that was you wasn’t it, Horan!” He yells, finishing in third place. Niall’s next to him cheering and clutching his stomach in laughter.

“Oi, Malik, you actually… you actually t-thought you had a c-chance!” He stutters between laughs though barely any noise is coming from his open mouth.

“That was- you were…” He starts, looking at Niall’s red face and squeezed eyes. “You tricked me! You’re the cheat, Horan!” He yells and dives for Niall’s body, both falling to the floor. He can’t help but laugh from where he’s hovering over Niall’s body, Niall trying desperately to roll them over but to weak from laughter.

“Y-you got m-me! What’cha ganna d-do now!” He challenges, still laughing manically. Zayn leans down and bit’s the red skin of Niall’s cheek hard and Niall yelps. Zayn, now satisfied with causing the boy physical pain, stands up and looks down at him with his hands on his hips in a ha-I-won kind of way.

“You bite me!” Niall shouts in disbelief, little giggles escaping from his grinning lips.

“That I did.” He confirms. “Quite observant, you are.” He says sarcastically and leans down with an extended hand to help Niall to his feet. He accepts the gesture and soon they’re both standing in front of each other, challenging smirks on their faces. Zayn’s ready to challenge Niall to another game to prove his skills but he doesn’t get further then a deep breath and an open mouth.

“That’s enough you two. Be nice and say hi to our guest.” Harry interrupts and both boys turn to look at him. Zayn follows Harry’s outstretched arms till his eyes fall onto a short brunette with a fringe and bare tattooed arms. His eyes then travel over to where his peripheral vision can spot another figure standing next to the boy he just took in but when his eyes meet familiar deep brown ones he wishes he didn’t look at all.

Those eyes, those fucking eyes, shimmering, bright and happy and staring into his. That fucking smile, wide and a little shy but overly happy, even causing his cheeks to push up and squeeze his eyes a little. That fucking guy, his fucking ex-best friend-or AKA; Mr.Heartbreaker- standing there with his arms behind his back and sending off little vibes of awkward but also happiness. Zayn’s not smiling back though he wants to. He wants to be able to be happy this guy is here, he wants to return the smile and give in because they use to be so close but he can’t. He just can’t and he even finds himself averting this eyes and looking at Harry with a desperation that Harry doesn’t seem to catch onto.

“Zayn, meet our new Neighbors. Louis and Liam.” Zayn gulps nervously and turns to see Niall leaving his side and walking up to the new guys, greeting both of them with the slap of a hand and quick hug as if they’ve known each other their whole lives and not since this morning. Zayn can’t help the annoyance that grows in him when Niall hugs Liam like they’re best friends because No. They just met this morning and Niall can’t act that way towards a stranger, specially Liam. And it’s not because Liam was his best friend before-though he does intent to make that clear to them for good reasons- It’s because Niall and Harry shouldn’t become friends with Liam. If they become friends then Liam will have a good excuse to wedge himself into Zayn’s life again and that’s not going to happen. No, Zayn just talks to Harry and Niall, tell the gist of the situation then they’ll understand. Yeah, he’ll just talk to them.

They all turn towards him, Harry giving him a look that says be-nice-Zayn and the rest looking kind of expectantly as if he _has_ to greet them. He doesn’t want to but if he doesn’t then he knows he’ll hear it from Harry when they leave so he takes his first hesitant steps toward Louis. When Louis grins and extends a hand to him, Zayn takes it and shakes.

“Nice to meet you, I’m Zayn.” He introduces though he’s sure Louis knows this but whatever, it’s part of the whole meeting for the first time thing. “Pleasure I’m sure, I’m Louis.” Zayn has to bite back a snort and break contact. He has a weird feeling that he might just like Louis. Zayn takes an even more hesitant step towards Liam.

“I don’t think Introductions are necessary.” He says, giving Liam a straight face. Liam nods his head.

“They are not.” he agrees and because Zayn has known Liam since they where in diapers, he can sense what Liam is going to do next so he takes a step backwards because no, he was not going to give Liam a hug. He turns towards Harry, giving him a look that he hopes tells him I-need-to-speak-to-you-in-private-soon and stands next to Niall.

“Wait, what do you mean ‘Introductions are not necessary’?” Harry asks, quoting Zayn. Zayn’s going to answer but Liam’s voice is cutting him off.

“Me and Zayn, we already know each other.” Liam tells them. Harry’s eyebrows narrow in confusion, Niall turns to look between him and Liam and Louis doesn’t look the least bit interested, as if he knew about Zayn already and that kind of worries him.

“How?”

“We grew up together.”

“And what happen?”

This time Zayn pipes up because god know what Liam will tell them. Some things should stay private and just between the two of them. He doesn’t want Liam saying anything about what happen for his own sake. He’ll be embarrassed and he really doesn’t want to relive all of that right now. “Well uh, Liam moved to the states and we lost contact.” He lies, well some of it was a lie, the part where they lost contact. Truth is they didn’t bother keeping contact at all, not after everything. Liam looks at him in confusion but then his features turn to thoughtful and finally it dawns on him what Zayn’s trying to do and his face turns to understanding.

“Yeah and last Thursday we ran into each other at the supermarket.” Liam tells them.

“Oi, is that why you were sulking that day and you wouldn’t tell us why?” Harry asks, referring to Zayn.

“I was not sulking. I was only tired.” He defends because Liam doesn’t need to know how he effected him that day. He doesn’t need to know he ruined-also a little brightened but Zayn wont admit that- his day. Before Harry could argue back he cuts him off and offers drinks for everyone. They all accept of course and Niall helps him carry them back to the living room where everyone is. Liam and Zayn hardly speak for most of the night, really only because Zayn doesn’t sit near him or speak to him or even look at him. It’s not until Niall pops a game in the Xbox and him and Louis play, Harry cheering Louis on in the background, Niall visible offended that Harry would take a strangers side and Zayn sitting back watching, that Liam scoots down the couch and takes the opportunity to speak to him.

“I had no idea you lived here.” Liam says in a low voice. Zayn doesn’t turn to look at him because if he did he knows he’ll melt and fall to his knees right then and there. He realized tonight that fucking Liam is just as he remembered, if not, better.

Zayn shrugs his shoulders, keeping his face straight and watching the boxing game taking place on the TV. He hears a small sigh but chooses to ignore it. If Liam can’t tell by now that Zayn does not want to see or even hear him then Zayn’s going it make it clear by ignoring him-not very mature but effective most of the time.

“Look, Z” He tries not to flinch at the nickname. “From what I can see, you’re still mad me and I’m sorry. I really am sorry. I didn’t want to hurt you.” Liam apologizes and this is what Zayn thought would be a great moment, hearing Liam beg for forgiveness but it only brings bad memories and he grows defensive.

“You didn’t hurt me and I’m not mad.” Zayn lies but his voice is quiet and weak and he’s not even convincing himself.

“Don’t give me that. They might believe that but I know you and I know it’s all bullshit.” _bullshit?_  since when did Liam curse. Zayn was pretty sure he didn’t even know what cursing was the last time they seen each other. And bullshit is a better word for what Liam just said. Liam doesn’t know Zayn. Zayn’s changed. A lot. The only people that know him is his family and really just Harry and Niall. He can tell they know something’s up so Liam should really pay more attention before he starts accusing things.

“You don’t know me. Not anymore.” And he knows his voice is bitter and maybe a little resentful but it’s the fucking truth, okay? He can see from the corner of his eye that Liam is a little taken back but he doesn’t feel the least bit bad for telling the truth.

“Okay, maybe I don’t know you anymore.” If Zayn didn’t know any better then he’d say Liam sounds a little hurt. “But I’d like too.” And there it is. Zayn’s heart just stopped a little and he doesn’t know whether he should be happy that Liam wants to recline their friendship or pissed because… Liam wants to recline their friendship. He turns and looks Liam in the eyes for the first time since him and Louis arrived. The little man is yelling _‘Look away! It’s dangerous! You’re going to give in! Look away now!’_ but it’s faint in the back of his brain and when he’s about to speak words he really doesn’t want to, Harry falls onto his lap. Thank God.

“Louis is brilliant, don’t you think?” Harry whispers into his ear and Zayn can’t help the grin that grows on his face. He’s not even bothered that Harry is kind of crushing his man parts because not only does Harry finally fancy someone, he also broke his trance and saved Zayn from a big mistake. “Niall was right, you are smitten.”

“Oi, hush up.” Harry whispers, slapping Zayn’s chest lightly. Zayn laughs and runs his fingers through Harry’s curls.

“Hey is this a dog pile!” Niall shouts, referring to Zayn and Harry. He’s got that look in his eyes, mischievous if you will and Zayn knows what’s coming.

“God no! No it’s not a dog pile. Harry down! Down!” He panics, pushing Harry off his lap quickly before Niall can jump on them. Harry falls to the floor with a loud thump and shoots Zayn a glare. “I thought we where having a moment!” He pouts.

“Oi, don’t you look at me like that.” Zayn demands, trying not to smile fondly at him.

“Now my arse hurts.” Harry pouts, rubbing his bum with his hands when he finally stands up.

“That’s nothing new.” Zayn retorts, wiggling his eyebrows. The room erupts in laughter and Zayn grins proudly to himself before Harry a wink.

“Sorry, I’m not you Zayn, I’m a giver not a taker.” Harry responds, making quite the show of turning his head and smirking at Louis. Louis grins and winks at him and Zayn has to try and not loose his lunch over their very obvious flirtation and the fact that he’s been called out.

“If we’re done with the sexual innuendos, I’d like to get back to the game. Zayn, you up for some boxing?” Niall asks and Zayn’s quick to nod and climb across the couch till he’s pressed to Niall’s side and they’re smack talking each other. He’s happy for the opportunity, he really doesn’t want to be left with just Liam again. God knows what he’d give in too then.

The rest of the night goes off without a hitch. He plays the Xbox with Niall, cooks pasta with Harry and even talks about some tattoos he’s planning to get and asks Louis about his own. Hell he even joins in on Louis’ crazy antics and comes to the conclusion that he does fucking like Louis. There his attempts to avoid Liam and they’re all pretty successful if you ask him.

They leave around midnight and since Zayn’s not a _complete_ douche, he says goodbye to Liam, even offers a tentative smile.

After he’s sure they’re inside their flat Zay pulls Harry and Niall to the living room to give them the lowdown of the situation. He tells them how Liam and Zayn where best friends, how he realized he loved Liam in 8th grade. He told them how he kept the secret to himself, to afraid of how Liam would react. He told them that Liam met a girl named Danielle in 10th grade and how he fell pathetically in love with her instantly but she was an utter bitch and never let them hang out for more then an hour alone. He had a feeling she new of his feelings by the smirk she’d send him when Liam had his arm around her waist and had her tucked into his side, kissing her face gingerly. Did he mention she was a bitch?

He told them that Liam wanted to go to a college in London-the one he recently got accepted to- but Danielle wanted to pursue a dance career in the states and requested that Liam follow her. And of course he did because he would do just about anything for that spawn of the devil. He told them how he confessed his feelings the day before Liam was set to leave, how Liam shut him down and ran out, leaving him standing alone and broken hearted.

  
(He hadn’t expected Liam to say he loved him back or anything, he didn’t expect a kiss and for him to dump Danielle and stay and sweep Zayn off his feet but he was at least hoping for a better reaction. But he can’t blame Liam, Zayn did pretty much blindside him that night.)

  
He didn’t go into detail about the things Liam said or how he didn’t stop crying in his room for months. Or how he went through different warm bodies to feel something, anything other then the pain and regret that surrounded his heart. He didn’t say how he hardly slept the whole year or how he thought of Liam every second of every day for two years- the past year he only popped into his mind every once in a while. He didn’t give them much more then what was necessary but he feels as though those details where picked up anyway.

Harry and Niall understand and of course they do. They even hug him for longer then usual and apologize but Zayn shrugs them off, telling them it wasn’t there fault and there is no reason to feel the need to apologize. They accept it but Zayn can see it in their eyes that they still feel guilty.

Harry and Niall have obviously made it their mission in life to keep Liam away at all costs. When Louis and Liam asks to come over they come up with some crazy excuse and offer to go to their’s. They go but Zayn stays behind while he trust Harry and Niall to come up with their own cover story for him-which he probably should have given more thought about- They even go as far as peeking out of the peep hole every time Zayn leaves the house to give him the clear. Zayn doesn’t think he’s ever had such amazing-sometimes annoying- best mates in his life and he’s so grateful for them that he randomly envelops them in a hug one afternoon and refuses to let go until Harry squeezes just as tight and Niall sniffles into his neck.

 

~

 

The next time Zayn even sees Liam is three weeks later when he’s sitting on top of a picnic table that’s located at the side of the building near the big trash bins, smoking a cigarette. Normally he’d smoke on their small balcony but he’d been locked in the flat all day because Harry claims Liam can return any second from where ever he left too and it’s better to stay in the flat all day but Zayn managed to sneak out while Harry was in the shower and Niall was in the fridge-literally- because he needed some real fresh air.

The cigarette is between his lips, one hand flat against the table and the other holding his fag as he inhales. His eyes are shut, his head tipped up towards the sky, enjoying the silent peace and the cool August breeze that almost takes Niall’s snapback clean off his head. His body is clad in a plain white T and blue sweats, hanging low on his hips. He’s tapping his white Nikes on the seat bellow him, humming a beat around the cig when someone catches his attention.

“Can see you still haven’t quit those cancer sticks.” And the bones in his body go stiff and his blood turns cold because he knows that voice. He’s been avoiding that voice and who it belongs to for almost a whole month. The lads are going to be pissed. His eyes open and he turns to the direction of the voice, seeing Liam who’s already sat next to him on the picnic table and his heart cracks a little but pushing away the sudden pain he feels and responds.

“Never tried too.” He says dryly. He doesn’t say what he wants to say, that he needed something to comfort him through these difficult years while his ex best friend frolicked through lilies and gumdrops with his ex girlfriend, that he needed something that he can count on, something to take the edge off things. He doesn’t say how he would have quit if Liam had stuck around to help him like he promised. And he doesn’t say what almost fell from his tongue, _‘Why do you care’_

Yeah, maybe Zayn’s still holding a grudge. He’s still a bit bitter over everything. It’s just, his reasons to hold this grudge run deeper then the fact that Liam didn’t help him quit smoking. He’s running on the memory of a broken heart and the fact that Liam is trying to enter his life again without so much as a proper apology for running out. That _I’m sorry’_ from three weeks ago was a shit apology.

It’s silent now, though it’s not as uncomfortable as it was at the supermarket almost two months ago. Zayn doesn’t want nor have anything to say. He’s not sure why Liam’s not speaking but he can feel his eyes focused on him and he’s doing his best not feel awkward and shy away from the stare.

“We need to talk don’t we?” Liam asks. Zayn plucked the cigarette from his mouth, tapping it on the table under him and tossing it to the floor. He digs in his pocket and pulls out his pack of Newports, taking out another cig and lighting it because it gives him something to focus on that isn’t trying to ruin his life. Or maybe it is since cigarette are bad for you but whatever, you all know what he meant.

“No, we don’t need to.” He says for a matter of factly, placing the cig between his lips again and taking a deep inhale. He opens his mouth and exhales the smoke, watching the clouds bend, swirl and dance and eventually fade away. He’s always found this part interesting and a bit inspiring and he makes a mental note to make a painting of smoke with water color grays and whites and blacks once he’s finished with his current project.

“But if we don’t then we’ll never get past whatever’s keeping you away.” Liam says, voice barely above a whisper.

“Liam don’t act dumb, you know exactly why I’m staying away.” He snaps. He can’t believe Liam is acting as if he doesn’t remember what happen and it’s just infuriating him to know ends. He really doesn’t want to have to break it down for Liam.

“Okay, yeah I do know but I’m sorry and I just, I miss you, Z and I want you to stop avoiding me.” Liam tries desperately. Zayn averts his eyes because the little man in his head is telling him it’s the right thing to do right now. He’s also telling him not to say it back, not to give this to Liam because then that would mean he’s giving up and he’s not going to give up.

“Don’t do this Liam. I have to leave, okay.” He drops the cigarette to the floor and takes off to the back door but Liam grabs his elbow, stopping him from leaving and yeah, he saw this coming. “Don’t leave.” Liam pleads.

“No!” he snaps. “No, I’m not going to stay and we’re not going to become friends again because the last time, it didn’t end well. I’m not going to risk falling back in love with you only for you to deny me again. I’m not going to hurt myself like that again.” His eyes burn and Liam surprised, looking caught off guard.

“Just let me go. It’s my turn to leave. Let me go, Liam.” He demands and he tries not to feel hurt when Liam’s grip on his elbow is released and Zayn’s arm falls limp to his side but it does hurt. It hurts because even though the greater part of him wanted this, another small part of him still wants Liam to fight back. To hold Zayn there, refuse to let him go. The little man in his head is yelling at him for wanted something like that. ‘You’re already falling in deep’ he’s telling him and Zayn’s wont admit out loud but he already knows.

As soon as he saw Liam he knew a part of him wasn’t over him and every time they made eye contact, every time he smiled at him or laughed at something, anything, that part grew. He can deny it all he wants, push push and push away but Zayn never fell out of love with Liam in the first place. He only suppressed the feelings, buried them so deep down that he managed to convince himself they weren’t there anymore but they were, they still are and this is just so horrible and he kind of hates himself more then he hates Liam right now.

“Zayn, don’t…” But Zayn doesn’t hear the rest of the sentence because he’s already pushing through the door and entering the elevator, pushing the 11th floor and breaking into tears that he’s been holding back for a long time. That hurt is back. Or it’s been there but he’s finally taking notice to it. Liam never loved him, he still doesn’t and he never will. Zayn came to these facts a long time ago, thought he accepted them but Liam’s back and he allowed himself to hope a little even though he avoided him and told himself it would be stupid to even think he still had a chance. Liam let him leave which is probably a louder cry of ‘I don’t love you and never will’ then if he said it aloud.

Zayn told himself if he stood away, didn’t talk or see Liam then he wouldn’t fall for him again but he was wrong. Liam’s living there, right across the hall, just a few steps away from him but Zayn can never reach out and touch him, have him. Liam’s here and just the thought alone hurts. It was so much easier to pretend he didn’t love him when he was in the fucking states.

Zayn’s back slides down the elevator wall, knees finally giving out from how weak they feel and he buries his face in his hands. He doesn’t hear the ding of the elevator when it finally reaches his floor but he feels hands wrapping around his arm and pulling him up till he’s standing. He feels an arm around his waist and another around his shoulders. Two bodies on both sides of him, leading him down the hall as he tries to hold back the sobs. They finally enter the flat and both boys lead him to the couch.

“What happen, Zayn?” Harry’s raspy voice speaks, his hand going under his chin to try and get Zayn to look at him. He shakes his head because he doesn’t want to talk about it. Harry might get mad and say ‘I told you so’ and Zayn just can’t handle that right now.

“Come on, Z. You can tell us.” Niall’s own thick Irish accent meeting his ears. He looks between both his best mates, both hold looks of genuine care and worry and Zayn says _fuck it._

“I just… I saw Liam outside. I was smoking a cig and he tried to talk to me. He said he missed me but I-I told him I couldn’t do this again and left and… and he let me.” A sob breaks free and both boys are trying to sooth him. “I still love Liam. I never stopped a-and he doesn’t l-love me back and It-it hurts.” He stutters, eyes still blurry and bottom lip trembling because he’s trying to hold back the tears, trying to be strong or at least appear strong but this fucking boy has broke him. Liam broke him again and it sucks. It fucking sucks.

“Don’t hold back for us babe, It’s okay to cry. Let it out.” Harry encourages and pulls Zayn to his side, letting Zayn bury his face in his chest and not even caring that he’s drenching his favorite shirt in tears. Niall sniffles because when one cries they all cry and he rubs Zayn’s arm to let him know he’s there too.

“I don’t… I don’t want to be in love, lads. It hurts to m-much.” Harry makes soothing sounds into his hair and Niall holds his hand, rubbing small circles on his palm. He’s not sure how long he cries but his head hurts and he’s feeling pretty knackered out when he finally gains control of his sobs again. A few tears fall now and then and a couple of sniffles but he eventually falls asleep with his head on Harry’s lap, fingers carding his disheveled quiff and Niall rubbing his back.

~

  
When Zayn wakes up his head is no longer on a warm lap but resting on a couch pillow. His shoes are off and he’s laying properly on the couch with a blanket thrown over him. He reluctantly sits up and runs a hand through his disheveled hair. His head hurts and his eyes feel tired even though he’s pretty sure he’s been sleeping for hours considering it’s dark outside. He rubs the sleep from his eyes and looks around the room, nobody in sight but he can hear sounds coming from the kitchen and he’s assuming it’s Niall looking for another something to eat so he stands up, stretches his aching bones and drags his socked feet towards the kitchen.

“Hey Niall can you-” He stops to let out a tired yawn. “Can you-” but then he stops again for another reason. 1) Niall is not a brunette with broad shoulders and 2) Harry doesn’t own a fohawk and a shy smile. He’s face to face with Liam in his kitchen and he’s put through a lot of emotions like confusion, very very little joy, a lot of sadness and he settles with anger because it seems like the better choice right now.

“Why are you here?” He demands, voice still a little raspy from sleep and his eyes narrow. Liam’s small smile doesn’t falter and that possible infuriates him even more because it sends little butterflies to his stomach and makes him want to giggle like a little fucking girl. But nope, he keeps his mask glued firmly on his face.

“Asked Harry and Niall if I can speak to you. Took a lot of convincing since they seemed to be pretty ticked off at me.” _They’re not the only ones._ “ but eventually they let me in.” And Zayn takes back everything nice he has ever said about his friends. They are complete twats and if he sees either one of them he’s ripping off their dicks and shoving them in the blender to make a nice penis smoothie.

“Where are they now.” He asks, still not meeting Liam’s eyes. He’s leaning on the counter, arms crossed and he hopes he’s giving off a hostile vibe.

“With Louis, at my flat.” Liam answers from where he’s standing by the fridge, clutching a water bottle and looking cautious and a bit scared. It makes Zayn feel both satisfied and like a complete prick. He wants to let his guards down because yeah, he does want Liam back. He wants to forgive him so maybe the boy will stop looking at him like he’s ready to lunge at Zayn any second now if he tries to leave again or something. Which he fucking should leave but he also wants to know why Liam is even here first, plus it’s his flat.

“So, you wanted to speak to me?” he asks but pushes his body off the counter and walks out, expecting Liam to follow which he does. Zayn drops himself on the couch, scooting into one of the corners and pulling his knees to his chest and grabbing a pillow to stuff under his chin. Liam sit next to him but not to close, keeping a good foot of space between them and Zayn’s grateful for that because sitting next to Liam will probably soften his attempt of a tough exterior.

“Yeah, I just… like I said before, I want you to stop avoiding me.”

“Liam-”

“I’m not done.” Zayn rolls his eyes and nods, signaling for Liam to continue. “I know you’re mad and hurt but it’s been three years, Zayn and-”

“And what Liam?” Zayn cuts off, anger stirring inside of him. Liam is not about to tell him that he should be over it by now is he? “Be over it? I’m not but It’s not because you didn’t love me back, I accepted that as soon as you told me you didn’t. The reason why I was hurt was because of the way you reacted! I know you where surprised but you could have at least handle it a lot better then grabbing your shit and running out! And the things you said to me on the phone…” Zayn ends in a whisper, digging his fingers in the pillow and breaking eye contact with Liam as memories flooded his brain.

*

_“Zayn, I.. I love Dani and I’m leaving to the states with her. I’m sorry, I… I have to leave. I have to go.” Liam grabs his bag and rushes out the front door leaving Zayn standing alone in his hallway, tears rolling down his cheeks. He’s not sure how long he stands there staring at the front door wishing, hoping Liam will come back but eventually his knees give out and he kneels on the floor and buries his face in his arms, quiet sobs escaping from his lips. His sister, Doniya, finds him hours later curled in on himself against the wall and she leads him to his room. He doesn’t sleep that night or any of the nights after that. He tries to call and text Liam but he doesn’t answer._

_Liam calls him one night drunk and shouting incoherent words at him. Zayn stays on the phone and takes the insults and drunken slurred words because it’s the first time he’s heard from Liam in months._

_He has to change his number after three more drunken calls because he just can’t handle it anymore and he doesn’t hear from Liam again if he’s only going to be yelled at._

*

“Well what did you expect, Zayn? My best friend had just told me he was in love with me just one day before I was set to leave to the states with my girlfriend. Surprised is an understatement.” He shouts desperately, trying to get Zayn to understand his side. “I was shocked and confused. After I left with Dani I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I felt horrible. I missed you and I wanted to call you and apologize for running out but I was embarrassed.”

“Well, It wasn’t easy for me either Liam! I thought you hated me, I thought I ruined everything. My heart was broken and I fucking hated myself for months. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat a proper meal, I even tried to cope by sleeping with anything with a fucking pulse so I could feel something other then guilt and pain!” He shouts causing Liam to flinch. He closes his eyes, deciding maybe he should try to calm down so he inhales and exhales, trying to get his heart to find a more steady pace so he wont loose his head.

Fuck, does Liam think he wasn’t numb for two years?

“If you think I didn’t suffer then you’re damn wrong. My feelings weren’t some petty crush that I would get over in a months time. I was in love with you, I suffered more then you can imagine and I’m not going to do it again. Leave!” He yells, standing up and facing his back towards Liam. He doesn’t want him seeing the way his eyes are watering.

“Zayn-”

“Leave Liam! You’ve done it before, it really shouldn’t be hard!” He snaps, not even caring how the words effect Liam. He’s to focused on getting him out before he starts to cry in front of him. He can already feel his heart cracking again and fuck, he just mended that.

“No Zayn, I’m not leaving again!” Liam shouts back catching Zayn of guard and he spins around to face him. “I was a right arsehole for leaving the last time and I’m not doing it again. Can I just please tell you something?” He pleads and Zayn wants to say no, he wants to shove Liam out the door like the little man in his head is telling him too do but he just can’t bring himself to do either. He only brings his crossed arms closer to his chest and nods reluctantly.

“Do you want to know the real reason why I came back?” Liam asks, sitting on the couch again. Zayn doesn’t answer, only shrugs his shoulders and allows Liam to pull him down to sit next to him. “For you. I came back for you.” Liam tells him and rest a hand under his chin, lifting it so Zayn will look at him. Zayn doesn’t want to look at him. He’s confused and his heart is racing and why the hell would Liam come back for him.

“I don’t understand…” He whispers, eyes meeting Liam’s for a second before he’s averting them again.

“It took half a year after I left before I realized how much I really missed you. It was too different not seeing you everyday, not being around you, hearing your voice and your laugh and sleeping over your house and It wasn’t a good difference either. After a few more months I even got angry at you for no reason, really. I guess I was mad because being away from you made me start questioning my decisions and my own feelings. I was pissed because your confession changed the way I was thinking and I felt like you had no right to tell me how you felt which isn’t true.” He offers Zayn a weak smile but Zayn doesn’t return it. He’s to confused and busy trying to process what Liam’s saying to smile back.

“Eventually I came to the conclusion that maybe I did like you as more then a friend. After that my feelings for Danielle begun to fade. I didn’t want to be around her, anything she did annoyed me. I just wanted to be around you. I wanted to share a bed with you, wake up to you, watch movies on the couch with you, eat dinner with you. I wanted you not Danielle and by the second year I got to the point where I was just barely tolerating her. I wanted to leave her but I couldn’t because I didn’t have anyone in the states I could stay with and I wasn’t going to get my own place because I didn’t want to be there anymore. I wanted to come back here and follow my own dreams.”

“It took a while and I wanted to finish my year of college in New York before I started applying for colleges in London since I remembered you said you where going to Art school there and I did always want to go to Guildhall. I got accepted and by the third year I dumped Danielle and was on a plane to London.” He removes his hand from under Zayn’s chin but places them on Zayn’s cheeks.

“I guess what I’m trying to say here is, I left New York because I realized I love you, Zayn. I would have told you this earlier but the timing was never right. I couldn’t admit my feelings in the bread aisle of a supermarket or in front of a group of insane lads or next to piles of trash. I wanted to do it right but listen Zayn, if you don’t love me anymore, if your over me then I’ll understand. I just… I really thought you deserved to know that I do love you and I regret not realizing it sooner.” Liam finishes his speech and searches Zayn’s face for any trace of emotion but Zayn doesn’t even know what to feel right now. He’s shocked of course and you’d think he’d be happy but he’s not. He’s not allowing himself to feel joy right now, not until he’s sure Liam is telling him the truth.

“This isn’t some kind of cruel joke is it? Because if you’re fucking with me Liam-” He tries pulling his face away from Liam’s hands but Liam wont release him.

“God no, Zayn. I would never and I understand why you’re skeptical but I promise you, I’m not fucking with you. I love you and if by some miracle you still love me too after everything then I can promise I will never hurt you again.” He says passionately. Zayn looks up at him helplessly, at a lose for words and his eyes are watering because he’s waited so fucking long to hear those words come from Liam’s mouth. He just hates how he feels so unsure.

“I… I want to believe you, I do but…” He pulls Liam’s hands from his cheeks and looks at his lap. “I’m scared. I don’t want to be hurt again.” He mumbles and before he can pull away from Liam’s hands that have found his face again, soft lips are being pressed to his. He freezes at first but after realizing what’s happening he finds himself surrendering and melting into Liam’s touch and kissing back. There’s no tongue and it’s not desperate and needy like he thought the first time kissing Liam would be-on his part at least- but it’s just as satisfying. Zayn’s been wanting to kiss Liam since he was 13 and now here he is 8 years later receiving a kiss that lights fireworks behind his eyelids and makes his stomach stir in the best possible way _from_ Liam. He’s on fucking cloud nine and he doesn’t want it to end but his lungs burn and he needs to breath so he pulls away.

“Liam…” He breathes but nothing follows because his brain isn’t functioning properly and he can’t remember how to complete a full sentence.

“Zayn, I’m sorry I took so long and I’m sorry I caused you got hurt but if you give me a chance then know that I will _never_ hurt you again. I’m sure of my feelings now, so much that the thought of you being so close to me but not mine actually pains me physically. I just… I want you, all of you because I love you so much and-” but Zayn cuts him off with a kiss because he’s fucking happy and the little man in his head is giving him permission to follow his wounded heart so he’s ganna listen. Liam responds immediately and Zayn wraps his arms around Liam’s neck, pulling him closer. Liam smiles into the kiss and pulls away but only to smother Zayn’s face in small, sloppy kisses and Zayn finds himself smiling bigger then he has in a while.

“I want you to be my boyfriend, Z.” Liam says between kisses and Zayn nods his head that’s still planted between Liam’s two hands.

“You’re crying.” Liam informs him with a slight frown as he kisses Zayn’s wet cheeks and eyelids.

“Because I’m happy.” Zayn tells him and tangles his fingers in the short hairs on Liam’s head and pulls Liam’s face away from his. “I love you too.” He confesses, eyes twinkling and he crashes his lips into Liam’s again because what the hell, he can now.

This kiss is a little more passionate then the one from before, tongues tracing the insides of each others mouths and small moans escaping Liam’s throat when Zayn nibbles on his bottom lip. Liam pushes at Zayn’s chest until his back is pressed against the couch and Liam is on top of him, kissing his jaw and sucking on his neck. Zayn’s legs wrap around Liam’s waist and he lifts his hips till they’re grinding into Liam’s and earning a moan from both boys at the contact.

Zayn’s hands find the ends of Liam’s red shirt and he slips his fingers under so he can run his fingertips along Liam’s toned abs and over his nipples, teasing them a little. When Liam sucks on the sensitive part under Zayn’s ear he moans and runs his nails along Liam’s skin and after deciding to much fabric rest between them, he grabs the ends of the shirt and he pulls it over Liam’s head, tossing it somewhere on the floor. Liam follows his lead and removes Zayn’s white T, throwing it over his head. He’s not sure who was first to remove pants but only seconds later they’re stark naked on the couch.

“All these tattoos, god Zayn do you know how crazy they drive me?” Liam breathes and ducks his head to trace his tongue over the wings and lips tattoo Zayn has on his chest causing Zayn to toss his head back at how good it feels.

“Do you have anything?” Liam asks, lifting his head to look at Zayn.

“In my room.” He answers and he’s expecting Liam to run off and get them not lift him from the couch but he does so Zayn just locks his ankles behind Liam and allows himself to be carried off his room and dropped on the bed.

“In the draw.” He tells him, pointing to his bedside table. He crawls backwards to the top of the bed while Liam searches frantically through the draw till his hands find a bottle of lube and he’s back hovering over Zayn. He watches Liam pour the lube over his two fingers and bites his lip in anticipation. Liam instructs him to spread his legs so he does and Liam’s fingers find his hole, circling it before sliding in to prep him. Zayn moans, eyes squeezing shut and he chews his lip as Liam works in and out before slipping in a third.

It’s not long before Zayn’s nodding his head, telling him he’s ready, he needs more and Liam’s slipping out his fingers and replacing them with his hard on. “You ready?” Liam questions and Zayn’s not surprised, he’s sure if he told him he changed his mind then Liam would simply pull his clothes back on and cuddle him instead because Liam’s just a good guy like that.

“Yes, just fuck me already Liam.” Zayn demands, voice already growing hoarse. Liam leans down and plants a soft kiss to Zayn’s lips and when he pulls away, his lips still ghosting over Zayn’s, he whispers “Eager are we?” before slipping inside of Zayn at a slow, easy pace. Zayn’s nails dig into Liam’s back at the sudden pain but Liam stops, gives him a minute to adjust and when Zayn’s ready Liam begins to move and the pain is replaced with pleasure.

“Fuck… shit, Li.” He moans. He places a hand on the back of Liam’s neck and pulls him down for a sloppy, needy kiss.

“So beautiful. Love you so much.” Liam whispers into his ear, giving Zayn chills that run through his body for many reasons.

Liam’s thrust quicken and he’s moaning Zayn’s name into his neck and Zayn fists are bawling the sheets under him. “Fuck… harder… _more_ ” Zayn begs because though this is fucking amazing, he needs more, he wants his arse to hurt in the morning, he doesn’t want to be able to walk for days. He wants everyone to know he’s been royally fucked by Liam Fucking Payne.

Liam nods quickly before pulling out and wait this is not what Zayn meant but then Zayn’s being turned around and he’s on his hands and knees and Liam’s spreading his cheeks and pushing in again and thrusting quicker and harder. He’s holding Zayn’s hips to support him and Zayn’s fists are gripping the sheets as he bites his lip to keep from screaming out.

“Don’t hold back. Scream Zayn, scream my name.” Liam demands as he pumps in and out with more force and really, that’s all Zayn needs to slip his lip from between his teeth and give Liam what he wants.

“ _Fuuuuck!_ ” He hisses. “Shit… _Liiaaam!_ ” Liam is repeatedly pounding against his sweat spot and Zayn’s feeling that familiar warmth pooling in his stomach and he’s trying his hardest to hold himself up with one hand while the other grabs his neglected cock and pumps it but then his arm does give out and he buries he face in his arm as he strokes himself.

“Leee-yuuum!” He screams into arm as he cums, his fist gripping the pillow under his head and the other hand working himself through. Liam cums four thrusts later with a mantra of Zayn’s name on his tongue and when he finishes he pulls out and collapse next to Zayn, breathing heavy and Zayn turns over so he’s laying on his back.

“That was so worth the wait.” Zayn grins. Liam chuckles in response, pulling Zayn into his side and Zayn buries his face in Liam’s necks.

“Definitely. We need to do that again.” Liam breathes, a wide smile on his lips. Zayn nods his head in agreement because yeah, they do need to do that again. A lot. Like, all the time. Every fucking day.

“I love you, Li.” Zayn smiles and pampers Liam’s neck with little kisses.

“I love you too, babe.” And they fall asleep like that. Zayn’s face in the crook of Liam’s neck, arm thrown over his chest, Liam’s face nuzzled in Zayn’s hair, arms wrapped around him and their legs tangled together.

  
~

  
Someone jumping on top of him, squealing into his ear, asking “How was it!” Isn’t the way Zayn expected to be woken up that morning and normally he’d be pissed, swinging fists and squeezing necks if he didn’t wake up in such a good mood, his thoughts swimming with memories of last nights events.

“How was what?” He asks though he knows exactly what Harry’s asking.

“Oi, don’t fucking play stupid! You know what I mean!” Harry swats his shoulder and even though Zayn’s eyes are still shut he can tell Harry’s smiling. He turns to his side and snuggles deeper into the covers and ew, he’s going to have to clean these sheets because there’s dried cum on them. “Well?” Harry pokes his chest eagerly.

“He loves me.” Zayn whispers instead of actually answering Harry’s real question. A smile spreads on his lips on it’s own according and he peaks an eye open to see Harry’s reaction. There’s a kind smile on his best mates face and he’s looking at him with soft eyes and before Zayn can ask him what the hell he’s looking at, Harry’s laying on top of him and pulling him into a hug.

“I’m happy for you but if he hurts you again I’m going to kill him, alright? I’m sure Niall will help too.” He says, words muffled against Zayn’s shoulder. Zayn laughs and rubs Harry’s head, fingers getting lost in his crazy locks and returns the hug.

“Ya know, I’m naked under here.” Zayn tells him and Harry looks up at him with a smirk.

“I can feel everything.” Harry says seductively and wiggles his hips around a little bit earning a laugh to erupt from Zayn.

“Hey off my boyfriend, only I can be on top of him like that.” A voice interrupts. It sounds playful but he can hear the tightness and a blush creeps on Zayn’s cheeks as he shoves Harry off him but he still smiles, big and wide because he knows that voice and for once he’s happy to hear it. “I’m sure your boyfriend wont be to happy to see you on top of another lad too, Harry.” Liam teases and Zayn gives a blushing Harry a questioning look.

“Don’t give me that look! You’re not the only one who can shag a neighbor, Zayn.” Harry defends as he climbs off the bed and heads for the door.

“You’re dating Louis!” Zayn exclaims, sitting up fast but a grin still on his lips. Harry winks at him and walks around Liam, giving him a weak punch in the side that Liam returns on his shoulder.

“You coming? Made some pancakes and bacon. Might want to hurry though, Niall’s been drooling over the stove since I started.” Liam tells him. Zayn grins and admires Liam, taking in his toned body that’s clad in boxers and leaning in his doorway. It’s going to take some time to believe that Liam’s finally his but he thinks he can get use to the idea.

“Yeah, just have to brush my teeth first.” He sits up, wincing in pain and Liam sends him a sheepish smile that he shrugs off. “Toss me some boxers in the dresser, please.” He catches a pair of boxers Liam throws his way, pulls them on and heads to his bathroom but before he can walk inside Liam’s grabbing Zayn and wrapping his arms around his waist, pulling his back flush against his chest.

“How do you wake up so beautiful?” Liam asks, placing quick kisses along his neck. Zayn cheeks redden and he playfully slap Liam’s arms.

“Oi, shush. Lemme go, I have to take a piss.” He wiggles from Liam’s grasp half heartedly and plants a kiss on Liam’s cheek when he releases him.

“What, no proper kiss?” Liam pouts and crosses his arms like a child earning a fond smile from Zayn.

“Not until I brush my teeth.” He tells him but Liam doesn’t seem to want any of that because he’s grabbing Zayn’s hips and leaning down to kiss his lips.

“That’s a proper good morning kiss.” Liam pecks his nose before swatting his hip. “Now go take your piss.”

Zayn laughs and walks into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. After taking his piss and brushing his teeth, he grins at the floor and leans against the wall.

Okay so maybe he said he would keep his guard up, stay away from Liam, not fall back in love with him but he’s always been in love with Liam. Falling _out_ of love with him was never possible. But even though he’s arse over tit again that doesn’t mean he’ll be weak like he was before. Zayn changed, he knows how to handle things better now. Yeah, he’ll still rip out a kidney with his own hands and give it to Liam if his ever stopped functioning again and sure he’ll walk on needles if he has to and bend over backwards for him but at least it wouldn’t be as pathetic as it was before, when he was the only one in love. Now Liam returns his love and he’s more then positive that Liam would do the same things- if not more- for him.

Zayn finally has Liam and he’s come to the conclusion that maybe the universe doesn’t have it out for him, maybe the universe has been trying to help him all along.

**Author's Note:**

> okay, that was my first time writing smut and I'm so nervous and I felt so awkward writing it and posting. I just gathered knowledge from other fictions and put that shit together. Hope it was to embarrassingly horrible.
> 
> But yeah, I hope you enjoyed and comments would be awesome :)


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